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personal, post-lockdown 

For the first time since February, I went out for a proper walk, leaving the house without having to buy groceries or anything.

It was a way to build some confidence after months of living as a shut-in – even though I kept my mask on all the time, avoided closed spaces, and stayed far from passers-by as much as possible.

I also checked what has changed in my neighbourhood in the meantime: construction sites, new graffitis, some street furniture.

I'm listening to songs from my music library and it's a trip through my memories. Each song evokes the period of my life in which I discovered it and listened to it on repeat. Even the sad songs sound full of nostalgia.

It’s been a while since my last post from this account, so I might as well say something.

Good morning everybody 👋

guilt, mh (-) 

The most insidious thing is that this wicked way of thinking applies to my own self the same toxic behaviour that people do to others – that is, describing people’s actions as a result of their nature and not as a response to external input.

I try to understand why people behave in wrong ways without expressing moralistic judgements, but when I reflect on what I’ve done, I can’t help thinking that I make mistakes because I’m instrinsically bad, lazy, spoiled, selfish, etc.

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guilt, mh (-) 

I’ve internalized the mantra of “own your own mistakes” to the point that I stopped defending myself even when it is reasonable to say that my mistakes have been caused or influenced by external factors.

There’s always that thought, “I should have noticed, I should have double-checked”, which makes me feel guilty and give up on placing blame on whatever made me (or let me) make such mistake.

I was already in the mood for simple, easy-to-make emojos, so I made one from my to-do list: :prince_symbol:

Unicode has the pentagon ⬟, the hexagon ⬢, the octagon ⯃, but why no heptagon?

So I decided to give this little fellow its own emojo: :heptagon:

At least I have a therapy session later in the day

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Jain's song “Oh Man” always brings me close to tears of joy.

I'm probably just projecting my experiences on to its lyrics, but when the protagonist of the song is told that he should accept his feelings and not resist them, and that they only show the good that is in his heart, I get reminded of the times in which someone did the same to me, giving me some of the most heartwarming moments of my life.

youtube.com/watch?v=laov59vIvE

I don’t know if anybody noticed it, but the white cup, the grey background, the black coffee, and the purple shirt in my avatar are a very subtle nod to the ace flag, with additional brightness to make the picture nicer to the eye.

Sometimes I wonder whether I should make a website for me. For my photographs. For some blog posts and essays. Maybe to post my long threads, unrolled and easier to read.

My online activity is mostly limited to Mastodon, and the website would be just a supplement of what I usually write on my accounts. Just a place to expand what I already do here.

And it would also be a sandbox where I can experiment with web stuff…

anxiety in dreams, pandemic-adjacent 

As many other people, I’ve been having more unpleasant dreams lately. They’re not always nightmares in the proper sense, but the anxiety I’d like to escape from is seeping into them.

I wonder if it’s just that I remember my dreams more easily now that I am able to sleep in more frequently.

this instance is called blob.coffee, I am drinking coffee in my avatar, and here are all the coffee-related emojos I collected so far 

:cofepats: :coffee_mug: :coffeepot: :cupofcoffee: :mokapot: :blobcoffeeunamused: :chick_coffee_grumpy: :chick_coffee_wired: :blobcatcoffee: :blobcatbluecoffee: :blobcat_thisisfine: :blob_raccoon_coffee: :chick_coffee: :flan_coffee: :blobglarecoffee: :ablobcatcoffee: (and also :kofi:, does it count?)

I can’t wait to use bookmarks here on Mastodon 🔖

Anyway, I like writing codes of conducts, or any text in legalese for that matter, because it tickles the mathematic in me: What words should I use to cover all the cases I want to express, and nothing more than that? It's not much different from writing the hypothesis for a theorem

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revisiting this instance's code of conduct 

In view of the recent events, I decided to revisit the code of conduct of my instance (which still has only one user, but maybe not forever…), so I added a couple of paragraphs on copyright and privacy.

Any feedback is welcome.

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a private corner

A personal instance for a relaxing time.